COLEMANBALLS - 12
   General Football & The Real World
     
 

 

 


Colemanballs
: The art of letting the words come out before the brain is engaged, made famous by David Coleman but with very able disciples in Kevin Keegan, Bobby Robson, Ron Atkinson, Terry Venables....in fact it seems endemic amongst the football fraternity.

More Colemanballs:  
Index
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"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right."
Lee Hendrie

“Once you’ve got a bull terrier, you never want another dog. I’ve got six bull terriers, a rottweiler and a bulldog.”
Julian Dicks

“The Brazilians were South America, and the Ukranians will be more European.”
Phil Neville

“West Ham play a speficic type of game – football.”
Artur Boruc

"Javier Chevanton don’t speak the language too good."
Kevin Bond

"We had a word with him about diving and since then the lad’s come on leaps and bounds."
Billy Dodds

"I'm not going to make it a target, but it's something to aim for."
Steve Coppell

“That’s put a strain on his left-hand knee.”
John Scales

 “I’d settle for a 1-0 draw.”
David Gold

 “For Tony Adams to confess his alcoholism like that took a lot of bottle.”
Ian Wright

 “And in the day’s other football match, Manchester City and Norwich drew love-all.”
Female radio announcer, presumably a tennis fan!

“Every single player on the pitch is now in the Birmingham box, apart from two of them.”
Paul Merson

“I promise results, not promises.”
John Bond

“Ozil could find the needle in a haystack with his sense of smell.”
Ray Hudson

"You don't score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without being able to score goals."
ALAN GREEN, speaking on Radio 5 Live

 


The Real World.

Perhaps sporting commentators have a good excuse in getting some of the things they say wrong. They have to think quickly to report on fast-moving sports so perhaps its not surprising they get things wrong once in a while. But the same happens in the real world. Whenever people have something to say there is always a chance that they will put foot firmly into mouth. Here are a few examples....

"I love being in America."
Charlotte Church during a visit to Toronto...in Canada

"Did your great-grandfather have any children?"
Fern Britton

"John Redwood is a young man but, let's face it, so was Margaret Thatcher in 1975."
Edward Leigh

"The original light bulb invented by Thomas Edison goes under the hammer at Sothebys today."
Radio commentator

"I've been up and down so many times that I feel as if I'm in a revolving door."
Cher

"Christmas is far too commercial, and toilet paper with Father Christmas on it is scraping the bottom."
Radio Commentator

"Red squirrels - you don't see many of them since they became extinct."
Michael Aspel

"I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out here in Africa."
Britney Spears

"And you both met at the same place?"
Ken Bruce

"Beautifully played, as ever, by a man celebrating his birthday this year."
Henry Kelly

"50% of the women going into the law profession are now women."
Jane Whittaker

"One was called 'Whitey' for no reason at all. To be fair, his name was White."
Hank Marvin

"It has been one of the warmest 1994s this century."
Richard Allinson

"Beethoven - interesting to hear his Symphony No 1. Obviously his very first symphony."
Nick Bailey

"Princess Anne's not afraid of a latrine in Africa - she just gets in there and does the job."
TC Commentator

"For most people, death comes at the end of their lives."
Radio commentator

"I watched that without the sound, so I couldn't quite see what was going on."
Adrian Chiles

"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?"
Christina Agullera

"Relax. You are in the middle of 30 minutes of uninterrupted music on Classic FM."
Classic FM!

"Doesn't that hurt?"
Anna Nicole Smith talking about suicide bombers

"The more important things are more important than the less important."
Stephen Dorrell

"OK Julie, now pick me a number....A,B,C or D"
Lorraine Kelly

"It's not the future I'm talking about, I'm talking about tomorrow."
John Gummer

"I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them."
George W. Bush

"Damien Hurst tends to use everyday objects such as a shark in formaldehyde."
Radio Commentator

"Is it your sister or brother who's his dad?"
Victoria Derbyshire

"At least 50% of the population are women, and the rest are men."
Harriet Harman

"Not a single human being has asked me about the selection process - only journalists."
Frank Dobson

"So Carol, you're a housewife and mother. And have you got any children?"
Michael Barrymore

"Do we know what sex the cow is?"
Julian Worricker

"He was a wonderful man, as was his wife."
Sean Rafferty

"We went to university together, but not at the same time."
Keith Vaz

 

“You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.”
Peter Shilton

“His return gives England another key to its bow.”
Stuart Pearce

“I’ve been consistent in patches this season.”
Theo Walcott

“He’s been like a fresh of breath air.”
Roy Keane

 “The thing about goalscorers is that they score goals.”
Tony Cottee

“It’s now much more 50-50 in favour of Everton.”
Iain Dowie

“Sheffield Wednesday are third in the table. You couldn’t be any higher.”
Ian Abrahams

“Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales.”
Ron Greenwood

 “Very few great goals actually go in.”
Graham Taylor

 Now Manchester United are 2-1 down on aggregate, they are in a better position than when they started the game at 1-1.”
Ron Atkinson

 There's only one place you want to be and that's Wembley, Old Trafford or Anfield.”
Mick Channon

“Fulham haven’t had a shot on target, which is probably why they aren’t in the goals.”
Tony Cottee

“Bayern will have the added advantage of playing in their home stadium. That’s like a home game for them.”
Paul Elliott

“Pitches today are like snooker carpets.”
Mick Quinn

“Suarez will improve and he will get better.”
Jamie Redknapp