General Football & What Did Footballers Learn at Skool?




: The art of letting the words come out before the brain is engaged, made famous by David Coleman but with very able disciples in Kevin Keegan, Bobby Robson, Ron Atkinson, Terry Venables....in fact it seems endemic amongst the football fraternity.

More Colemanballs:  
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"Tony Fernandes is in that goldfish bowl and he’s swimming against the tide."
Niall Quinn

"People will look at Bowyer and Woodgate and say ‘Well, there’s no mud without flames’."
Gordon Taylor

"There’s such a fine line between defeat and losing."
Gary Newbon

“The ball was coming down like a butterfly with sore feet.”
Jamie Redknapp

"Viv Anderson has pissed a fatness test."
John Helm

"If it stays as it is I can't see it altering."
Graham Taylor

"As with every young player these days, Ronaldo is 18."
Alex Ferguson

"Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds - totally against the run of play."
Peter Lorenzo

"Michael Owen is irreplaceable, but Sven has Emile Heskey, James Beattie, Wayne Rooney and Darius Vassell and whoever he picks can do the job."
David Platt

"I don't want to give Robbie Blake any praise, but he was superb."
Steve Cotterill

"It all went a bit grape-shaped."
Jason McAteer

And what did footballers learn at skool?

Ever been a tad envious at those massive wages footballers earn, the Ferraris, stately homes and jet-setting life? Just remember when they were at school they didn't do any work like we did, they just dreamt about the film-star lifestyle they were going to enjoy. So when it came to learning English, maths or geography unlike us they didn't bother. One day they will need to know what the square root of 126 is, the name of the capital of Namibia or what an adjective is and unlike us they won't know! Doesn't that make us feel good! Some of the things they wouldn't have said if they had leant anything at school....

"Maths is totally done differently to what I was teached when I was at school."
David Beckham (and English was probably teached differently as well)

"I’d love the person who taught Jose Mourinho English to taught me."
Steve Claridge, who may have gone to the same school as David Beckham!

"Paul Lambert has learned Fabian Delph the game."
Paul Merson

"I've had 14 bookings this season, 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable."
Paul Gascoigne

"Think of a number between 10 and 11."
Ron Atkinson

"Samuel Eto'o is reputedly the highest-paid player in the world at £350,000 per week - that's £5,000 a day."
Clive Tyldesley

"When you are 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1.”
Lawrie McMenemy

 "Real’s second goal made it 3-0."
Des Lynam

“All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.”
Mitchell Thomas

"The 2,000 away fans will be unhappy. In fact half of them have gone, there's only 500 left."
Chris Waddle

"....and so they have not been able to improve their 100% record."
Radio Commentator

"The possession stats at one point were 77% to 33%."
Mick Quinn

"With Harry, two plus two always makes five, not three."
Milan Mandaric

"You need at least eight or nine men in a ten-man wall."
Mark Lawrenson

"I can count on the fingers of one hand ten games where we’ve caused our own downfall."
Joe Kinnear

"Four minutes to go…..four long minutes….360 seconds."
Alistair Alexander

 "Aston Villa are seventh in the league. That’s almost as high as you can get without being one of the top six."
Ian Payne

"We must have had 99 per cent of the match. It was the other three per cent that cost us."
Ruud Gullitt

"Ireland will give 99% - everything they’ve got."
Mark Lawrenson

"Even though two and two might look like four, it could be three or five."
Kevin Keegan getting close to the right answer...but....

"The Germans only have one player under 22, and he's 23."
Kevin Keegan, he was completely wrong on that one!

 "Well, Harry, fifth place last year, how can you better that?"
Fergus Sweeney

 "And some 500 Italians made the trip, in a crowd of only 400."
Radio Commentator

"If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half-time, it was concentration and focus."
Ron Atkinson

 "Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose."
Kevin Keegan

"One thing about Germany – they’ll be organised, they’ll be big and they’ll be strong."
Ally McCoist, now that's three things!

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona"
Mark Draper

 "I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
Ian Rush on his spell at Juventus

 "The Belgians will play like their fellow Scandinavians, Denmark and Sweden."
Andy Townsend

"What I saw in Holland and Germany was that the majority of people are Dutch in Holland and German in Germany."
Peter Taylor

"Argentina won't be at Euro 2000 because they are from South America."
Kevin Keegan who was listening in that lesson!

"Well, Clive, it's all about the two Ms - movement and positioning."
Ron Atkinson

 "What do you think of Manchester United's three Rs - Rooney, Ronaldo and van Nistelrooy?"
Rob McCaffrey

 "Mark Hughes crossed every I and dotted every T."
Robbie Savage getting it all wrong!

And David Beckham obviously didn't stay awake in 
Religious Knowledge lessons as he once had this to say -

"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened though I don’t know into what religion yet."


"The Dell will continue to be a hard place to go and take points."
Dwight Yorke - yep it was demolished years ago!

"The world is my lobster."
Keith O’Neill

"You half fancied that to go in as it was rising and dipping at the same time."
Ron Atkinson

"I'm not a believer in luck, but I do believe you need it."
Alan Ball

"It looks tough for Palace when you see some of the results they've got coming up."
Shaun Derry

"He’s started anticipating what’s going to happen before it’s even happened."
Graeme Le Saux

"That kind of ball is meat and two drink for the Palace defence."
Denis Irwin

"Phil Dowd checks his whistle and blows his watch."
Alan Green

"I won’t name any names but I’ll name just one, David Dein."
Niall Quinn

"Our target is to get into the play-offs. If not, we want automatic promotion.”
Dennis Oli of Grays Athletic – things must be different in the non-league world!

"And Brighton have beaten Southampton 4-2 which is exactly the same result as last year when they won 3-1”
Des Lynam




For a really satisfying cigarette that's kind to your throat give me Craven 'A' every time.

Amazingly Stanley Matthews - a teetotal vegetarian non-smoker who was fit enough to play in the old First Division at 50 years old once endorsed smoking in adverts! Read all about it, click on....
Those were the days!

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